Judging seems like a fairly harmless thing to do, however it does create problems for you that include: robbing you of your inner peace; turning you into a victim; and telling other people that you’re not trustworthy. In this article, I want to share with you five ways to stop judging, so you can create a better quality of life for yourself.
Step 1. Become aware
You cannot solve a problem until you realise you have a problem. The same goes with judgement. If you want to stop judging, you first need to become aware that you’re doing it. Many people have been brought up to judge and until you have awareness that you’re doing it, you’ll be unable to change this pattern. When you’ve got awareness, you have a choice. Do you want to continue judging knowing the above consequences or do you want to start to think differently?
Step 2. Understand and communicate
Judging is a way you close yourself off from truly knowing the facts about a person or situation. Therefore, the antidote to judging is understanding and communication. When you find yourself being judgemental, start to become curious; seek to understand the facts more fully.
There are different ways of looking at every situation and there are also many reasons why people do what they do. Being able to step back and see the full picture (or being able to dig deeper rather than jumping to conclusions) enables you to become less reactive and more balanced in life.
The old saying that ‘assuming’ just makes an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me’ really applies here. There is always more to every story and if you want to become less judgemental then your role is to uncover what that ‘more’ is!
Step 3. Accept and feel
Judgement is a tool that many people unconsciously use to avoid facing their own feelings. People often see in others what they are unable or unwilling to see in themself. Therefore, whenever you find yourself judging someone or something, stop and ask yourself ‘what am I not feeling or owning in myself?’
The more you can accept people for ‘who they are’ and not ‘who you want them to be’, the more peaceful your life will become because you’ll take ownership of your ‘stuff’ and stop projecting it onto others. You’ll also stop trying to control others.
Remember, you can’t change the past. But when you complain, whinge and judge, you’re not accepting ‘what is’ and you’re actually resisting life, which creates stress. Acceptance is the opposite to resistance (judgement). The more you can accept situations and ‘feel’ the emotions that arise as a result, the less you’ll feel the need to complain and judge.
Acceptance enables you to move out from feeling like a victim, so you can take control of your life
Step 4. Think differently
When you find yourself being judgemental, start to think differently. If you’re being critical, train your mind to think or say something that is nice, positive or constructive. The more ‘good’ you can see in others, the more ‘good’ shows up in your life – simply because you get what you focus on in life.
Step 5. Get help
If you’ve tried to implement these four steps and still can’t stop judging then you’ve probably got a part of you that would benefit from some professional assistance, like a therapist. I particularly like ‘Resource Therapy’, because the therapist can quickly locate and help the part within you, that is in need.
To watch Heidi speak about this topic, visit www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c-n-Is58vM or to learn more, read her book I Should Be Happy But I’m Not, download her FREE eBook or work with me Heidi via her Life Transformation Program . Details available http://heidi.com.au
Article by Heidi di Santo